30 Day Mom Challenge

It's not the beginning of the month, but 30 days is 30 days whenever you start it, right? How many things have you said, you'll start "tomorrow" or start on "Monday"? I'm deciding to start this challenge today! This will be at the top of my "to-do". Heaven knows my ever growing list hasn't been touched with a teething baby at home, but if I get anything done I know that loving my children is the most important. 

Super Hero Father's Day

Last year we surprised my husband for Father's Day with a local weekend getaway. Just wanted to share a few ideas with you that are sure to make your man feel like the "super man" he deserves to feel like! To go along with our super hero theme I made sure everything went around the red, blue, yellow color scheme. Dad's Root Beer was perfect. I found mine at World Market. I made a short little video of him with our girls using imovie and the comic theme. The bottle labels were found on this blog. I got bulk candy from my local Winco food store and I got super lucky finding the shirts at Walmart. Hope this inspires and gives some ideas!

Summer Reading List

Do you have a list of books you would like to read? Leave a comment and share them with me! They do not necessarily need to pertain to the home or motherhood, although my list happens to. If I could only have more time in the day or not have to sleep. Sleep is overrated anyway, right? Do you have any favorite parenting/motherhood books? Leave a comment! 

Hands Free Mama by Rachel Macy Stafford

The Big Disconnect

Dare Dream Do by Whitney Johnson

Happily Ever After: The Life Changing Power of a Grateful Heart by Trista Sutter

Mommy Mantras by Bethany E. Casarjian and Diane H. Dillon

I was a really good mom before I had kids by Trisha Ashworth

Bringing up Bebe by Pamela Druckerman

Smart Money Smart Kids by Dave Ramsy & Rachel Cruze

Balancing It All by Candace Cameron Bure

Happier at Home by Gretchen Ruben

Think about it Thursday: How to Raise a Happy, Successful & Cooperative Child While Disciplining Less

I came across this poster on where else, but Pinterest. And I loved it's simplicity. Who doesn't want to raise a happy, successful and cooperative child? Discipline less and have a happier child... sing me up! I read the book, Happiest Toddler on the Block by and it describes my Sage girl's personality as the "spirited" child. She is so loving and sensitive, but like all of us... she has another side to her and sometimes I honestly do not know how to handle it. I'm always looking for a better way and reevaluating our current strategies. I don't by any means think this lil poster has all the answers, but it was a reminder to me that each child is so different and what may work for one, may not work for another depending on personality and temperament. Something to think about! 

All Star Sunday: 5 Helpful Tidbits to Motherhood

I have never actually met Cate in real life, although I feel like I have and I feel like she is an old friend since I know her twin sister Candi. I also secretly, not so secretly, have stocked her blogged and admired her mothering and honesty. She is a wonderful writer and a wonderful mother of " a little boy who is busier than a bee and sweeter than honey with a laugh that is completely and utterly contagious and a sweet little girl who is like sunshine to our soul on the very rainiest of days."  . You can follow her at http://www.thetwinbook.com. She and I have agreed that if we lived closer, we surely would be real life friends! I hope you are as inspired as I am when reading her thoughts and feelings.

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There is something about a large round belly or a toddler in tow that attracts advice giving people. Most of the time I love it! Oh sure there are times when it isn't quite as well received or dare I say even welcome? 

But since a few of the tips and tricks others have so willingly shared have completely changed the way I try to parent my two small children I have come to appreciate the advice from others. I am the first to admit that I don't know what the heck I am doing!!

These are my top 5 favorite tidbits: enjoy.

1. When you are at your wits ends with your children spouse love them more. I will grab my rambunctious 3 year old and squeeze him and say "I love you to much to let you do that." 

2. Take a breath before you react. So simple right? Yet the effect is profound. In that split second I am able to save my children from myself. I respond to them a bit calmer and not with a swat on the bottom ;)

3. Tell your child what you would like to happen not what you don't want to happen. Example "Keep the milk in your cup please." Instead of " don't spill your milk." Because guess what as soon as you say the second phrase guess where the milk goes.....This one has been tricky for me but I am improving!

4. In a study I read it mentioned that there are 9 minutes in every day that have the greatest impact on a child. The first 3 minutes of your childs day, when you first greet them after  school or for younger children after a nap and then the last 3 minutes before you say good night. This is the time to touch them and make happy.

5. The last thing actually takes 10 minutes but has made THE biggest impact friends and that is having 10 minutes with out any distractions where you are simply with your child. You are at their level, letting them take the lead. There is nothing  or nobody more important in those few moments then them. They lead and you follow = them feeling so incredibly loved and connected almost magically improving their behavior. MAGIC! 

My favorite mothering websites are:

-Power of Moms (They Leave you feeling empowered and excited about motherhood)

-Positive Parenting solutions (that lady has the answers to everything!)

Favorite books:

- Deliberate motherhood 12 powers

-The 10 basic principles of good parenting

-Duct tape parenting (I have yet to read this one but have only heard wonderful things)

Think About it Thursday: Never Take Motherhood for Granted

This article by Power of Moms, titled Six Ways to Never Take Motherhood for Granted has inspired this post. The 6 suggestions include:

1. Be present and deliberate
2. Gratitude
3. Perspective
4. Be aware of the rest of the world
5. Balance
6. Reminders

I suggest reading the article. In what ways can you appreciate motherhood in the mundane and the defining moments? We all know that there are a lot of mundane moments; things that just need to be done. I love number one- be present and deliberate. This is something that I have been working on and let me tell you it has made a huge difference in my days and in my children as well.

 A few weeks ago I had taken the girls for a walk and as we approached the grassy hill by the park, my Sage girl wanted to get out of the stroller and roll down it. I had her wait at the top of the hill so I can get to the bottom first so I could take a picture. I don't think there was anything wrong with that. In fact, I will go ahead and give myself credit for letting her roll down the wet, grassy hill in her cute little outfit! However, that night as I looked through the pictures on my phone from the day I was sad. I wished I had put the camera down and rolled down along side her. I promised myself and I promised her sleeping self all cuddled in her bed that night, that next time she wanted to roll down a hill that I would in fact roll down with her. That opportunity presented itself sooner than I had expected and I was thrilled. I rolled down that hill! My husband was with me and as I laid down he told me to wait so he could film me... he was laughing at me and couldn't believe I had rolled down the hill as I clumsily got up from the grass with the world spinning around me. I told him about my promise. It is a promise that has influenced so much more than rolling down the silly hill.

I recently listened to a broadcast about Deliberate Photography it inspired me to take the same approach as rolling down the hill in many other forms. I absolutely love photographing my kids and capturing the mundane moments and I feel it is important, however, I have promised myself and my kids that I will first have fun with them in the moment and then capture. By doing this I have become so much more present and my presence and actions have become so much more deliberate. I am capturing the moment in mind and heart first and the camera second. "Think about what you are doing with your kids in the exact moment you are doing it. What does their smile look like? How does their laugh sound? How happy and full does your heart feel in this moment?"

In what ways can you appreciate motherhood in the mundane and the defining moments?

Health & Fitness Friday: Confident, Positive, Healthy & Happy

I want my girls to be confident, positive and healthy. I want them to be happy. Happy girls really are the prettiest. I want to display the above quote in their bedroom and assure they know what true beauty is. I want them to also know that kind, compassionate, honest, faithful, smart and loving girls are also the prettiest. I don't want them to be obsessed, but I want them to be aware and conscience of the choices they make in taking care of themselves. I want them to be aware of their bodies and be appreciative of them and not feel overwhelmed by what society tries to tell them it should look like. The media distorts our perception of beauty and it has a huge impact on us. I want exercise and food choices to be something positive and fun. I want my girls to feel and know they are beautiful. I want them to know that their reflections do not reflect their worth, health or happiness. I want them to have a positive self image. They need to see a mother who loves and respects her body. I have read quite a few articles from the website Beauty Redefined and listened to hours of podcast from the Power of Moms on the topic of body image, beauty, exercise and nutrition.

http://powerofmoms.com/2012/06/solutions-to-moms-body-issues-episode-36/
http://powerofmoms.com/2012/08/beauty-redefined-episode-39/
http://powerofmoms.com/2013/08/making-time-to-exercise-episode-59/
http://powerofmoms.com/2013/09/healthy-eating-and-no-more-diets-radio-episode-24/

There is so much material and so many resources out there with ideas and tips to help us teach our children how to be confident, positive and healthy. Here are just a few ideas I have come up with in the little bit of reading and research I have done so far.

1. Deal with your own body image issues. Shut down every negative thought we have and replace it with a positive. Do not talk negative about your body or your looks. Your daughter will hear you and it will negatively affect her view of her own body. I feel like this is one that goes overlooked.

2. Do not draw attention to your child's looks and others looks. Friends and media will do that for you. Make your compliments be more about achievements and characteristics. I had heard this years ago in a child development class and I have always remembered it, but it is so easy to make comments to my girls about how beautiful they are. I do not think that the "you're so pretty", "so cute!", "beautiful!" comments need to be taken out of our dialogue, but I do see the importance in making sure it is not the focus and that we are paying more attention to the achievements and characteristics.

3. Demonstrate healthy eating habits. Focus on health and nutrition instead of weight and calories. Teach them about nutrition and always have healthy food to offer.

4. Find exercise that fits- It doesn't matter what your child or you do for that matter, for physical fitness; it just matters that they are doing something. Whether it be a group sport or individual, help them find their niche in something they like.

What ideas do you have? How do you teach your children to be confident, positive, healthy and happy?

Something to Think About Thursday: Are you JUST a stay-at-home mom?

 I really am so grateful to be able to stay at home to my girls. I think there is a stigma about stay at home moms that we "just" stay home and I know I have friends who wonder what I do all day and wish they could stay home and think I am on some sort of vacation all the time. Matt Walsh, the author of, "You're a stay-at-home mom? What do you DO all day?"  understands what I wish everyone  could understand, that being a mother is hard work that never ends. I love how he explains how his wife "just" stays home with the kids...

"Yes, my wife is JUST a mother. JUST. She JUST brings forth life into the universe, and she JUST shapes and molds and raises those lives. She JUST manages, directs and maintains the workings of the household, while caring for children who JUST rely on her for everything. She JUST teaches our twins how to be human beings, and, as they grow, she will JUST train them in all things, from morals, to manners, to the ABC’s, to hygiene, etc. She is JUST my spiritual foundation and the rock on which our family is built. She is JUST everything to everyone. And society would JUST fall apart at the seams if she, and her fellow moms, failed in any of the tasks I outlined."

Behind every fun library wee read storytime there is a melt down because we don't want to leave the library or feelings of being a bad mom as your little one runs through the library screaming. Behind every craft there is a sticky mess that requires a bath, which then causes a flood of water that needs to be mopped up. Behind every snack there are crumbs that need to be vacuumed up and clothes that need to be changed for the umpteenth time. Behind every playdate there is stress of hoping and teaching your child to share, take turns, to talk nice , use their words and keep their hands to themselves. Behind every nap there is a to do list that is never ending. Behind every dinner made there is a cranky toddler who is hungry, thirsty, tired and wants you to play with them. Don't get me wrong, being a mother and a stay-at-home mom is the best job in the world, but it is not a vacation and it is not all fun and games. It is however, the most rewarding and important job. Sometimes I take it for granted, but today I am extra grateful and recommitted to appreciate everything that comes with "just" being a stay-at-home mom. 

All Star Mom: Finding a Balance

This next All Star mom that has agreed to guest post for us, is a mother of three princesses. When I began working with her she was a mother of one and I was a newlywed. About 6 months later I was expecting our Sage girl and she was pregnant with her second. Gevenvive and Sage are a day apart. Janine was a few doors down from me and stopped by to visit on her way of checking out of the hospital. I was sad to say goodbye to her when she moved just a few months later. I sure wish we lived closer so our girls could be friends. Janine is such an eloquent writer and writes as honest as she is in her day to day relationships, which is one of the things I love about her. She claims motherhood has not come naturally for her, but she sure is an awesome mom! To read more of her story go on over and follow her at A Handful of Peanuts!

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I had an interesting conversation with my brother a couple of months ago while kayaking on the Pacific Ocean. We had been talking about my family and how having kids has changed me, for good and for bad, and my brother interrupted the conversation to say, “Janine, do you know what I admire about Tim? He always has and always will put you first, before anything or anyone else, especially the kids.”

When I asked him if he thought I did the same for Tim, he quickly replied, “Not always. You put your kids first a lot.” At first, his comment struck me as direct and hurtful, but after some time and consideration, I realized he had a point, and I needed to change.

I have had three girls and one miscarriage in five years, and I have only been married for six years. My girls have come mostly unexpectedly, with the exception of my Genevieve, and I have had to assume all the motherhood duties and roles rather quickly. Motherhood has not come easily or naturally for me. I have had to work at it every single day.

I have always felt like I am up to my ears in spit-up, poop, paint/marker stains, muddy shoe prints so it was easy to fall into a routine of putting my children first. I felt like I had to do so much for them that my husband would just understand and appreciate all that I do for everyone, and while he does appreciate all I do, he too has echoed my brother’s words and asked me to remember him.

And so I started changing my routines and habits. For the past two months, I have put my husband first. When he comes in the door from work, I stop whatever I’m doing and walk over to him and give him a kiss. When his favorite football team is playing, I try and take the girls outside so he can enjoy the game without interruption. When I see his tired eyes from working 11-hour shifts, I offer to put the kids to bed, even though it is generally his duty. Aside from doing small things around the house, we have also started dating each other again this year.

Our goal is to go on one date each month, but we average two or three. We explore different things on our dates, and we try to satisfy each other’s interests. Our marriage is so much stronger than it was even three months ago just because we are putting each other first.

Family life is busy, and it can be overwhelming. As moms we have to accomplish a thousand little tasks each day, the least of which is maintaining a healthy marriage. I have been a stay-at-home mom for two and half years and have finally found a way to balance my husband, my kids, my chores, my part-time work and my interests, although I should admit that I am still working finding time to enjoy more of my interests.

I believe every home and family is built differently so my ideas are solely based on my experience, but I can tell you that they work. I do all my major chores before 8am, and I enlist the help of my older girls when any chore involves their room or bathroom. I read my books (whether they be of a spiritual nature or not) before I start my part-time editing job so that I educate myself everyday. I mostly work when the girls go to bed at night so that I can be with them when they are awake during the day, but I will admit that I do work during naptime if needed. Generally I make dinner while my girls nap, and I always do the dishes before the girls go to bed. I exercise four to five times a week during the hour between Tim’s arrival from work and dinner.

My life is in a constant state of motion. I rest when I can, but for the most part, I am always doing something. Every few months I have to assess my routine and change things as necessary. Recently, I felt like my life was off balance. After looking over my days, I realized I needed to distance myself from social media. I deleted my Facebook account because I found myself checking it too often, and once I started checking FB, I found myself checking my mail, my Instagram, the Internet, etc more than needed.

It was as if I gained my life back in one instant. Balance was restored. Life is all about checks and balances. If you are out of sync in your personal life, marriage, family life, church life, social life, I would encourage you to see what things you can do to find a balance. I truly believe I am the happiest when I am balanced.

All Star Mom: Jessie on "How do you like being a mother?"

I am going to be featuring an "All Star Mom each Sunday. The first mom I would like to feature is a friend/past missionary companion of mine from when I served a mission in Spain with my church. She has a little girl name Skye who is absolutely adorable and who is almost 6 months old; she is the owner/founder and artistic director of Wasatch Contemporary Dance Company. She is an office manager of a student housing complex in Provo and juggles everything with such grace. She is a great example to me of a mom who absolutely loves and adores her babe, but that still finds time for herself and the things that make her "Jessie" and that make her the best mom she can be.

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How do you like being a mother? Did any of you get this question when you first became a mother? I feel like I get it pretty frequently and I honestly don’t know how to respond to it. And this is why…

I feel like this question is pretty much the same thing as asking, “Do you like being alive?” 

“Uh, well, I sure wouldn’t pick the alternative but there sure are some things that suck in life.” I sure wouldn’t ever want Skye to not be in my life, but there are some things about being a mom that just are no fun and no one will ever like doing.

I guess it depends on what your definition of being a mother is that determines how you would respond to this question. If you think being a mother is never getting continuous 8 hours of sleep EVER again, changing the most foul smelling diapers, and having every outfit you own stained by spit up, then no, being a mother is not very fun. If you define being a mother as getting to watch front row a tiny human discover everything for the first time, having a tiny little buddy to do everything with, and being the cheerleader for every big milestone and “first”, then yes, being a mother is awesome.

I have to admit the reason I am probably a little miffed about how to answer the “Do you like being a mother?” question is because I grew up my whole life thinking that being a mother was defined by no sleep, foul diapers, and spit up, as well as sacrificing everything you want to do and your whole personality so you could do everything for young people that don’t appreciate you. Not sure where I inherited such a bad outlook on motherhood since I myself have an awesome mom, but I was terrified of having kids and sure that I would be unhappy as a mother. To make a long story short, I finally began to see  motherhood as a divine and SUPER IMPORTANT role when I served my mission in Spain from June 2009-November 2010. Even began to think that maybe I could enjoy being a mom someday. And so it was with great joy and anticipation that both LJ and I looked forward to becoming parents when we decided to start down that road.

Now I am a mother and some of my fears were legit – it IS a hard balance to care for your child and maintain the things about yourself that make you YOU. Once used to getting lists and lists of things done everyday, I have to settle for only checking off one or MAYBE two things off my To Do list everyday.  I can’t keep the house as nice as I used to. Getting out to go running by myself takes a LOT more coordination than before. But I do still run my dance company, attending dance rehearsals 4 days a week, as well as shopping for costumes, teaching dance to high school students occasionally, meeting with assistants, choreographers, designers, and the theater, and choreographing 2-4 pieces per concert. It’s enough to make a grown woman crazy, but it’s important to me that I maintain this important part of myself. Yes, it takes time away from my baby and I, but I am a better mom because I get to continue dancing and creating. Because I’m still fulfilling those important parts of myself, I am happier, more fulfilled, and feel good about myself.

I guess the answer I want to give to the “Do you like being a mother” question is this:

I love Skye. I love spending time with her and watching her grow and develop. I am most happy when LJ and I are both playing with her, relaxing on the weekends, not worrying about LJ’s homework, a disaster at work, or that I can’t find an affordable costume for this one particular dance. I love her so much. But I also hate spit up. And poopy diapers. And I can’t stand that leaving the house to do something as easy as grocery shopping has become a feat comparable to Everest. But I work hard balancing those things with the positive creative outlets in my life so that I don’t become consumed with spit up and diapers and all of a sudden become defined by those things. Becoming a mother didn’t change my personality, it didn’t even change who I am. I’m just me, Same old me. So while a lot of things and tasks in my life have changed since having a baby, I am still Jessie. I just have this beautiful little girl in my life now that gets all my love. And thanks to the support of my wonderful husband and my awesome company assistants, I get to “fill my well” every day with the things that help me feel like me so I can keep giving and giving to my daughter.

Diagnosis

Women of God

Welcome!

Thank you for checking out Motherhood in the Major Leagues' blog! I hope it can become a place of reference, ideas, inspiration and encouragement!  Please "follow" the blog and check back often for the following topics:

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