What I hate about Motherhood

You read that title right... I said the word hate, even though I tell my kids we don't use that word! I 

•  I hate having to see my kids get left out when going to the park. My kids are really outgoing and usually make friends where ever we go. However, on occasion their sweet "hellos" or "what's your names?" are not reciprocated and it breaks my heart. This one time there were two girls maybe a couple years older than my little one and she tried really hard to play with them and they kept running away. My sweet little girl thought they were playing until one of them said they are the "queens of the park" and to stop following them! Kids can be ruthless and down right rude. I want my kids to be liked and hate to see their confidence shot down by immature kids that don't know any better or if they do are mean. I want to protect them from the world.
•  I hate seeing my kids not feeling well. Without fail sick kids means constant waking in the night, sometimes with either my husband or myself laying on the couch with them and very little sleep. It also means lots of snot, laundry if their is throw up involved and crying. I hate it not just because the lack of sleep and crankiness that inevitably comes along with it, but because I want them to be healthy and can't stand to see them feel less than awesome.
• I hate when they grow out of clothes. Not just because that is more money that I need to spend to get a new wardrobe, but because that means they will never be that little again.
•  I hate going to the grocery store with my kids. Not just because they want to buy everything in the store and there is always a tantrum at the checkout... why the heck do they put candy bars and gum at the checkout line?! I hate it because I want to give my kids the world and wish I could buy them everything, but not only could I not afford to do that, I want them to learn that we don't always get what we want in this life and that can be a tough lesson to learn sometimes.
•  I hate telling my kids to calm down because I don't want to stifle their energetic and fun personalities, but my neighbors below us I'm sure hate the noise.
•  I hate potty training. Not only because that means we are trapped in the house 2 feet away from the little potty for a week, but because that's just another sign that they are growing up and saying goodbye to their babyhood.
•  I hate that every time we go out and no matter how bad I wanted and needed the break that I can't stop thinking about them and how I think about all the things they would enjoy if they had come along. Seeing things through a child's eyes is magical.
•  I hate how my kids can call me out when I am in a bad mood. I hate it because I really do want to always be happy for them and hate that they have to see me otherwise.
•  I hate crying kids in the car because most of the time (not all the time!) the tears are legitimate and they need a drink or are just so tired and need to be held, rocked and put in their nice cozy beds with lots of hugs and kisses, but at that moment there is nothing I can do for them.

I LOVE being a mother. There are rough days, but nothing gives me more joy! 

10 Tips for Better Behavior Part 2

Did you find any of the resources helpful from Part 1. Here are the second half of Amy McCready's tips from this article with some more hopefully helpful resources!

6. Simplify family rules and stay firm. This is one that I need to work on with my little family. My kids who are almost 4 and 2 are getting old enough to understand and old enough to help set some rules. I would love to have a family night and write our rules out along with consequences. Amy encourages that the rules be simple and concise.

Amy hosts a free webinar that gives a little sample of her program and shares the 5 R's of fair and effective consequences. Those 5 R's include:

1. Respectful—you need to be respectful to your child and to yourself. If you can’t deal with the situation right away, wait until you can be calm, collected, and respectful.

2. Related to the misbehavior—Make sure the consequence is related to the behavior so the learning event can take place. For example, if your daughter back talks, you shouldn't discipline her by grounding her from her sleepover.

3. Reasonable in duration—The discipline should be reasonable for the age of the child. McCready recommended taking a puzzle away from a three-year-old for a day and video game privileges away for a week for a teenager.

4. Revealed in advance—You must reveal the rule and the consequence in advance. This gives your child the opportunity to make the choice. This gives them power and control over the situation.

5. Repeat—Have the child repeat the rule back to you. You now know that your child understands the rule and the consequence, and you now have a verbal agreement.

7. Send Time Out to The Side Lines. I am guilty of time out at times, but in all honesty I know it is not very effective. She suggests asking, “What can we do differently next time?” and role play the do-over.

8. Just Say No to Saying No. Find opportunities to say yes and redirect "no's" into a more positive option. 

9. Don’t worry, be happy. Be the example you want your kids to see. Think about how your kids might describe you to their friends – would they say you’re fun and lighthearted, or that you’re stressed and bossy? Try changing your energy by simply smiling more. It will help you keep calmer in times of stress, and your kids will notice and keep their behavior more positive, too.

10. Don’t ignore the source of misbehavior. You really should sign up for her free webinar. Again, here is the link, but she suggests 3 reasons as sources of misbehavior: attention, power and control. Find out what is causing the misbehavior. 

10 Tips for Better Behavior Part 1

It's ironic that I planned on sharing this today because boy have we had a morning! All my little angels are napping now, but we sure had some serious behavior problems this morning. If you follow me on facebook, which I hope you do, you know that I love Amy McCready and her Positive Parenting Solutions program. I should clarify... I am still saving my pennies for her actual "program", but I love what she teaches and follow her blog and read all her articles. She is a true inspiration to me. See her entire article here, but I want to outline her 10 steps with a few thoughts, experiences and resources...

1. Invest in one-on-one time with kids daily. 
This is so important. I read Amy's book, "If I have to tell you one more time" a while ago and shared a post about her method "Mind, Body and Soul." Read the post I wrote here. Basically it is being present with your child with your mind, body and soul for at least 10 minutes. In her free webinar she talks about the reasons behind misbehavior and one the main reasons is their need for attention. I have put this to the test and I can tell you that when I take 10-15 minutes, even just 5 minutes, to sit down and play a game with my girls or to color with them or just simply be there with them without any distractions, their behavior is so much better! 

• use the time to do what they want to do
• put away phones, turn off the TV- do not be distracted
• 
  

2. Get Serious About Sleep. 
Oh we all know what cranky kids are like. I was blessed with early birds, so early bed times and naps are not negotiable. I really like this short little article from Power of Moms and love the book Healthy Sleep Habits Happy Child. 

3. Focus on Routines
Kids thrive on routines and like to know what to expect. I really liked this daily routine for the kids. We used it for a long time, but the kids got to the point that they knew the routine without having it posted. My almost 2 year old is at a point where I will probably bring it back because she could benefit from having it posted. If money grew on trees though I would get this routine, "chore" chart, goal chart all in one... Have you seen this? It's called the Family Do Dots System. Check it out here. Keeping my fingers crossed that I can do a review and giveaway.

4. Everyone pitches in. 
For better behavior, kids need to understand that everyone needs to contribute to make a household run smoothly. All kids, from toddlers to teens, should have “family contributions” (not “chores!”) they do daily – this helps bring your family closer together, teaches them life skills and works to prevent the entitlement epidemic. Our almost 4 year old totally understand this. She understands that I mom is doing her contribution of fixing dinner so she has to contribute and set the table. She even sometimes tells me I need to do my contributions like the other day after her sister made a mess and there were cracker crumbs every where she said, "Mom, can you do your contribution and vacuum?" 

5. Encourage your kids to be problem solvers.
My oldest of 3 is not quite 4, so my kids are young but I think that this is so important and this article by Dr. Michele Borba is a great resource. The article is all about conflict resolution  and teaching kids to take a S.T.A.N.D. to Solve a Problem. Check out her entire article here. 

S – Stop and calm down. Keep emotions in check.

T – Tell what’s bugging you. Listen to each side. Stick to facts!

A – Assess alternatives. Brainstorm your options.

N – Narrow the choices to “win-wins”

D – Decide on the best one that you both agree upon -and  do it!

Check back for the next 5 tips!

Think About it Thursday: You are there, but are you really there?

Oh how true this is! This is true with any relationship we may have. I can personally relate to this with my children because they are who I am with all day, every day. I adore my children as I am sure most mothers do. However, I admit that there are moments that I find myself with my priorities out of place. It has helped me to make goals each day of what I want to do with my kids. Going back to the whole reason I started this blog and the title of the blog, "Motherhood in the Major Leagues"... I want to be a professional mom. I want to show up to my "work" each day prepared and with a plan. I plan crafts, outings, errands, activities we will play together. Some days that plan gets thrown out the window. And there are times in the day that are scheduled for me to get the things I need to done, but since they are planned and since when I am with my kids I am fully present I do not feel guilty for taking time to myself to shower or sit and check the blog. However, regardless to whether or not our days go as planned, the mere fact of thinking about my children after I have had a little time to myself and before going to bed each night helps me put things into perspective and put my children at the top of my priority list, which allows me to be present. Sure there are moments and days that I look back and think I could have done better, but the beautiful thing about children is that they are so forgiving and I get to try again the next day. What things do you do that help you to eliminate distractions and be present in your relationships?

Thankful ABC's

Being that it is Thanksgiving I thought it would be appropriate to share my feelings of gratitude for Think About It Thursday. There is so much to be thankful for. I saw somewhere a Thanksgiving game where you think about something you are thankful for for each letter of the alphabet. So, here are my Thankful ABC's. I hope everyone has a wonderful Thanksgiving and is able to take a few minutes and thank about all that you are grateful for.

A- Atonement of Jesus Christ and the blessings it brings, Ability to create

B- Body that is healthy, blogging

C-Circle of Moms group that I have joined, coupons

D-Doctors that we love. 

E- Eternal Marriage, Education 

F- Forgiving Heavenly Father and my Savior that makes it possible to repent.

G-Gym classes that keep me motivated, Grandparents, Goals

H-Hands that can tickle my kids, hold my husbands hand and that can create and Hot Chocolate

I-Internet that can do some much good, In-laws (mine are the best)

J-Jesus. 

K-Kids. My two girls are such blessings to me every day.

L-Laughter, Love and the gift of Life

M-Motherhood. There is no greater calling. 

N-Never having to go to bed hungry, Neighbors that we love and New Opportunities 

O-One on one time with my husband, Opportunities to serve

P- Pandora. I love listening to music throughout the day.

Q-Quite moments to myself and my thoughts

R- Reading time curled up with my girls. 

S- Staying home with my girls, Scriptures 

T-Testimony of the Gospel. 

U-Utah and it's beautiful mountains, Unconditional love 

V-Vehicle to get us to where we need to go. 

W-Warmth of a home, work that helps my husband provide for our family

X-eXtended family

Y-Yesterday's memories

Z- Zero as in Coke Zero. I know it is not good for me, but some days it is the only thing that gets me through it, Zzzzzs 

And those are my thankful ABC's. The list could go on and on. There really is so much to be grateful for!

Think About It Thursday: 3 Parent Ideas that Work... what works for you?

I am kind of obsessed with Power of Moms and have listened to just about every podcast at least once and some of them multiple times. I usually put music on while folding laundry or cleaning, however, lately I have been so uplifted as I listen to different topics of motherhood.

Follow this link to listen to the podcast. 

(1) Children need a minimum of 8 touches during a day to feel connected to a parent. 

If they’re going through a particularly challenging time, it’s a minimum of 12 a day.  This doesn’t have to be a big deal–it could be the straightening of a collar, a pat on the shoulder, or a simple hug.

(2) Each day, children need one meaningful eye-to-eye conversation with a parent. 

It is especially important for babies to have that eye contact, but children of all ages need us to slow down and look them in the eyes.

(3) There are nine minutes during the day that can have the greatest impact on a child.

• the first three minutes–right after they wake up
• the three minutes after they come home from school, and
• the last three minutes of the day–before they go to bed.

We need to make those moments special and help our children feel loved.

These are simple, right?  Nothing really earth-shattering here.

 I listened to this a little while ago and chose to focus on #3 because to be honest... those are not the greatest moments of my day. My two year old wakes up way too early, so I am not always the happiest mom when her sweet little voice greets me before the rooster crows! And bedtime... we have a really good routine that ends with a prayer, hugs & kisses and I also try and tell her something that I love about her or something I appreciated that she did that day. However, after about the tenth time of her getting up out of bed for a drink of water, to go to the bathroom, because she needs to be covered up again, her baby doll is cold, she wants her back rubbed, she needs another drink of water and then being hungry and needing a snack... the list goes on and on... I start to lose my patience and those last three minutes before she goes off to sleep are usually me threatening to close her door or telling her that I am getting mad... So, I have been trying really hard to make those precious moments special and for her to feel loved because I sure do love her! I feel like these suggestions have made me a more deliberate mother, which is what I am strive to be. Do you have any other simple tips to share? 

Think about it Thursday: How to Raise a Happy, Successful & Cooperative Child While Disciplining Less

I came across this poster on where else, but Pinterest. And I loved it's simplicity. Who doesn't want to raise a happy, successful and cooperative child? Discipline less and have a happier child... sing me up! I read the book, Happiest Toddler on the Block by and it describes my Sage girl's personality as the "spirited" child. She is so loving and sensitive, but like all of us... she has another side to her and sometimes I honestly do not know how to handle it. I'm always looking for a better way and reevaluating our current strategies. I don't by any means think this lil poster has all the answers, but it was a reminder to me that each child is so different and what may work for one, may not work for another depending on personality and temperament. Something to think about! 

Think About it Thursday: Mind, Body & Soul

I have recently began reading the book, "If I have to tell you one more time" by Amy McCready and it is amazing. It is "the revolutionary program that gets your kids to listen without nagging, reminding or yelling." I feel like a broken record with my two year old and have found myself raising my voice, threatening, sending her to time out a lot more than I am okay with. I feel like my discipline and consequences have been ineffective. Our two year old is not overly disobedient, but she sure knows how to push our buttons! We have just began implementing some of the practicing from the book and have already seen a difference. One method which I will share with you today is called "Mind, Body & Soul" and it is simply giving your child 10 minutes of undivided attention- no sibling, no spouse, no phone or computer. 10 minutes being fully present in mind, body and soul. She suggests that  if you sit down with them for ten minutes and do whatever they want, it sometimes saves you an hour of nagging and whining. A pretty good investment, really. McCready recommends that we aim for ten minutes of mind, body, soul time twice a day. She describes it as a way of “filling your child’s attention basket throughout the day – even when he’s not asking for your time – proactively and positively. When his attention basket is full to the brim, he won’t seek attention with negative and undesirable behaviors.” 

So, if your child is throwing lots of tantrums, being disobedient or if you are experiencing a lot of sibling rivalry this just may be the method to try. It is already making a difference in our home and let me tell you how much I really enjoy it! The other day I played with the doll house with her and tonight we played a game of CandyLand. And I know she loves it too. She doesn't say anything but her big hugs and kisses speak for her! 

Think About it Thursday: Never Take Motherhood for Granted

This article by Power of Moms, titled Six Ways to Never Take Motherhood for Granted has inspired this post. The 6 suggestions include:

1. Be present and deliberate
2. Gratitude
3. Perspective
4. Be aware of the rest of the world
5. Balance
6. Reminders

I suggest reading the article. In what ways can you appreciate motherhood in the mundane and the defining moments? We all know that there are a lot of mundane moments; things that just need to be done. I love number one- be present and deliberate. This is something that I have been working on and let me tell you it has made a huge difference in my days and in my children as well.

 A few weeks ago I had taken the girls for a walk and as we approached the grassy hill by the park, my Sage girl wanted to get out of the stroller and roll down it. I had her wait at the top of the hill so I can get to the bottom first so I could take a picture. I don't think there was anything wrong with that. In fact, I will go ahead and give myself credit for letting her roll down the wet, grassy hill in her cute little outfit! However, that night as I looked through the pictures on my phone from the day I was sad. I wished I had put the camera down and rolled down along side her. I promised myself and I promised her sleeping self all cuddled in her bed that night, that next time she wanted to roll down a hill that I would in fact roll down with her. That opportunity presented itself sooner than I had expected and I was thrilled. I rolled down that hill! My husband was with me and as I laid down he told me to wait so he could film me... he was laughing at me and couldn't believe I had rolled down the hill as I clumsily got up from the grass with the world spinning around me. I told him about my promise. It is a promise that has influenced so much more than rolling down the silly hill.

I recently listened to a broadcast about Deliberate Photography it inspired me to take the same approach as rolling down the hill in many other forms. I absolutely love photographing my kids and capturing the mundane moments and I feel it is important, however, I have promised myself and my kids that I will first have fun with them in the moment and then capture. By doing this I have become so much more present and my presence and actions have become so much more deliberate. I am capturing the moment in mind and heart first and the camera second. "Think about what you are doing with your kids in the exact moment you are doing it. What does their smile look like? How does their laugh sound? How happy and full does your heart feel in this moment?"

In what ways can you appreciate motherhood in the mundane and the defining moments?

Something to Think About Thursday: Are you JUST a stay-at-home mom?

 I really am so grateful to be able to stay at home to my girls. I think there is a stigma about stay at home moms that we "just" stay home and I know I have friends who wonder what I do all day and wish they could stay home and think I am on some sort of vacation all the time. Matt Walsh, the author of, "You're a stay-at-home mom? What do you DO all day?"  understands what I wish everyone  could understand, that being a mother is hard work that never ends. I love how he explains how his wife "just" stays home with the kids...

"Yes, my wife is JUST a mother. JUST. She JUST brings forth life into the universe, and she JUST shapes and molds and raises those lives. She JUST manages, directs and maintains the workings of the household, while caring for children who JUST rely on her for everything. She JUST teaches our twins how to be human beings, and, as they grow, she will JUST train them in all things, from morals, to manners, to the ABC’s, to hygiene, etc. She is JUST my spiritual foundation and the rock on which our family is built. She is JUST everything to everyone. And society would JUST fall apart at the seams if she, and her fellow moms, failed in any of the tasks I outlined."

Behind every fun library wee read storytime there is a melt down because we don't want to leave the library or feelings of being a bad mom as your little one runs through the library screaming. Behind every craft there is a sticky mess that requires a bath, which then causes a flood of water that needs to be mopped up. Behind every snack there are crumbs that need to be vacuumed up and clothes that need to be changed for the umpteenth time. Behind every playdate there is stress of hoping and teaching your child to share, take turns, to talk nice , use their words and keep their hands to themselves. Behind every nap there is a to do list that is never ending. Behind every dinner made there is a cranky toddler who is hungry, thirsty, tired and wants you to play with them. Don't get me wrong, being a mother and a stay-at-home mom is the best job in the world, but it is not a vacation and it is not all fun and games. It is however, the most rewarding and important job. Sometimes I take it for granted, but today I am extra grateful and recommitted to appreciate everything that comes with "just" being a stay-at-home mom.